I am like a hummingbird that has not landed in weeks. I haven’t been able to write for quite a while. We have returned from Mexico to answer some questions about our lives that have proven challenging.
Our vacation was incredible. We had a wonderful and relaxing time. I connected again to my husband in a way that my busy(ness) has not allowed in a very long time. The kids were open and relaxed and constantly learning and growing in ways impossible at home.
What I have realized – and I thank the universe for this realization – is that I am stretched too thinly. I have three important priorities in my life: My family (which includes homeschooling my girls), my midwifery and the farm. All three are full-time jobs. Maybe they are even more than full time. Something had to give. The only room I can find for change is in the farm. I have decided not to farm on the large-scale that I have been farming this last year. This is a very difficult decision to make. For many reasons. I see no alternative. I feel stretched to the breaking point. The farm will continue. My dear friend and neighbor, Marcy, has decided to continue the project that she has worked towards with much dedication these last months. She will continue the CSA and work on the farm that she loves with all her heart. I applaud and respect her decision. I have decided that I am not a farmer, I am a gardener. I am a midwife and a mother. And for once in my life I am going to simplify my commitments.
It hasn’t proven to be an easy decision for anyone. Marcy lost her farming partner and this has deeply saddened her. I can understand, I am, also, saddened. This is such the right decision for our family though, and this tempers my sadness. Treska and Kaya have reacted with enthusiastic gardening. Even Kaya, the self-proclaimed “non-farmer,” has been out there working for hours and hours turning the soil. This is where they both were before the farm.
Treska wrote an article for Mother Earth News – This one – here. Click! This was written after a year of creating her own garden. The next year we did the farm, Treska was super involved, but she missed her own gardening. Treska told me over and over again that she really wanted to have her own garden again. I understand. It’s different. This was another reason for this change. I wanted my daughters to love working in the soil, growing food and to begin to nurture the little plants again in a personal and individualized way. Already, they are. I am excited for the results, I love watching the process. And I? I will miss the absolute joy in the abundance of food and I will missing working side by side with Marcy every day. But, today, after a beautiful few hours with a friend I would never have had time to see if I had continued this project this year, I came home and began preparing my flower garden. I worked in my back courtyard. I pulled weeds, turned soil, planted cosmos. I dreamt and slowly moved forward in a gardening project that I can handle and provides, to me, what I have always looked for in my garden: peace and relaxation.
It is a Figurski phenomena. We take on too much. As I get older I am learning what it means to simplify. I am working towards this at the same time that I am working on recognizing priorities. What I have learned is this: It is my priority to teach my daughters to love the earth, the soil and the food it produces. It is my deepest wish to grow and eat our own food. I have learned that I have the deepest respect for farmers who provide wholesome food for others, but that I am unable to do this and be a midwife at the same time. I have such profound gratitude for our magical year last year. I have deep appreciation for the women (Jennie and Marcy) that made it possible – it was a fairytale with deep bliss accompanying the hard work. Thank you.
And now, I will return to growing my own food, working the soil, planting flowers and watching my daughters open to the world of their garden again. I will drink tea and not feel overwhelmed and overstretched. Sometimes.
landed
Filed under: CSA, Simplicity
